Updated: Apr 2
Like many around the world, I have been affected by the Coronavirus...
No, I said affected.
And this is not because I know someone who has taken ill, or even know someone who knows someone who knows of a very distant relative who may have once had an aunt with a cough and a temperature.
I have been affected because of what I see happening around me.
I have seen normally sociable people, like the lady at my local Tesco, physically leaping backwards when I failed to remain within the little blue circle marking the safe zone between her and the potentially disease-laden individual trying to buy the last jar of mustard in Argyll, despite the reinforced plastic barrier, gloves and antiseptic spray (no, of course I wasn't carrying all these items around with me - not yet, anyway).
I have seen people eyeing me up warily as we converge in the aisles, trying not to say 'thank you' for letting me go past first, lest their spittle strikes me down.
I have seen news that a certain beauty spot (a lake) was deliberately filled with black dye to make it less attractive to visitors, and I have seen first hand how supermarkets are slowly running out of many supplies. I also heard a rumour that the SNP was going to cover Ben Nevis in bin liners to force people to not go and look at it, but the supermarket near Holyrood House had run out...
Of course there are things I haven't seen - like toilet paper. Not a single pack has been seen in my town now for about a week and I feel this subject will have its very own blog (or should that be BOG?) very soon.
And all of this without having to take the crazy pills.
I want to be frank with you (yeah, I've got bored with my normal name): I think we have all gone a little nuts and we are forgetting that there are more important things in the world than worrying about a virus. Yes, of course we have to control it, even if that does mean staying at home with the kids for what seems like an eternity on the smoking slopes of hell. But what about the environment, what about our young peoples' mental health (and older peoples' mental health, come to that?). We can't just put life on hold completely.
So to that end I will shortly be starting a series of blogs with some useful suggestions about how not to go insane during 2020.
Meanwhile I'm off to my shed to manufacture some more loo roll out of grass clippings.
You won't catch me going mad...